We don't expect them to agree with everything we say, but we'll say it anyway. Merriam-Webster defines the verb of "Love" to include: What you vowed, as in any contract or covenant, were your behaviors. How do I get the love back?” I sincerely feel sorry for him. I feel like I'm just here for the kids. I dated the woman of my dreams from age 9-20. We'll see. It doesn't have much intrinsic value. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. There are certain steps you can take, though. What can I do? Realize that you can't change anyone. I think you do it for safety. Contents. I care about her as a person but do not love her any longer. Often, they have tried to rekindle the fire, but they just can't seem to keep it going. The things you vowed at your wedding were specific behaviors — not emotions. Mostly because it's based on a lie. Obviously it has been a huge shock and I feel completely and utterly devastated. They were promises of what you would do. Gather all relevant legal paperwork, such as your marriage certificate and all deeds and titles, and make copies that you store in a secure location outside the home. That BOTH of you need to make compromises. Get help. When life gets you down and you've got s*** to do, pull your chin up. Tell her how you feel. Left alone, it doesn't have much mechanical value. Listen to her side as well. We have an 8 year old son and 2 year old daughter. I can’t leave her as she has vowed to take my child and she has very little means to care fo herself or our daughter. But you (and just about everyone else) choose to value it. Read this OneHowTo.com article to find out what if I don't love my wife anymore. I was so happy when I got married but as time has gone on, I just have felt less and less happy. He doesn’t want to socialize with my parents. 9 signs your wife doesn’t love you anymore. Everest, or maybe just lose a few pounds. My parents seemed much happier, we had more fun, and day-to-day life improved dramatically. I don't even know where to start. I am a married man in love with someone else. And don’t the children suffer from not knowing what a love-based relationship is? It’s just that I have difficulty being my true self with my wife. If you don't know how to tap into a woman's heart, getting a woman to fall back in love with you is as difficult as turning that rotten grape back into a full-blooded fruit. My biggest regret is that I stayed. Usually, the heart of a maritally disengaged spouse is summed up in a single statement: "I don't love my wife/husband anymore.". Do you have any advice on how to leave a marriage after 20 years of an incredibly bumpy ride? I think you do it for safety. From the U.K.: I don't know if I love my husband anymore. But, I hate his behavior. They're just choosing not to. He knows how important it is for me to have a tidy home yet he leaves … I don’t even have a clue how to get back into the dating game. As of now,I’m the one who is working. For the right reasons as well. Even when I didn’t feel like I wanted to anymore. I've been with my husband for 13 years, married for 4. Despite asking for my reassurance, Boyfriend, I don’t think that you reached out to me — or that you reach out to your other affairs — for validation. I want to leave my wife who is taking drugs and alcohol and is basically destroying our life as a family but my daughters don’t want to leave I have tried ove rand over to help her, we have huge debt because of her rehab stunts and she still didn’t change. It won't treat you well, keep you company, nor respect your character. Couples who go for counselling sometimes see results but the return to bliss is rare and short-lived. If you feel like your wife doesn't love you anymore, here are some ways that you can fix this. As a sane person, you have control over your behavior. If I love my wife, why do I find it so easy to treat her like I don’t? All I know for sure is that I can’t continue this way. Give it some time – allow your wife some time to prove your love to you, as well as readiness to dedicate to your marriage. - Kanaiya B I'm not sure what I can say to help you with this. I think I would be happier with someone else, but how do I leave my kids? More often than not, the root cause isn't infidelity or addictions or crimes. It’s her marriage too. "I love my husband, but I don't like him." You didn't promise "Love" as a noun — you promised "Love" as a verb, which is the only way you were capable of making such a vow. Your girlfriend’s love is validation, but instead of feeling satisfied (or safe), something inside you says New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the TrueOffMyChest community, Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. There might be answers that can be found through medical help and/or counseling. More often than not, the root cause isn't infidelity or addictions or crimes. We don't expect them to agree with everything we say, but we'll say it anyway. I want to obey God and serve Him, but how can I do that when I am pretending to love my husband. I don’t love my husband but I can’t leave him. I Don't Like My Wife Anymore: I Can't Stand My Wife Anymore. I hate to hear about marriages falling apart because I am a big believer in sticking to one’s promises. You don't love your husband anymore and you want to save your marriage. He's a love cheat. Talk about what is bothering you. Think about that. my name is luthando been staying with my boyfriend for 8 years , we have a 4 years old beautiful boy, the problem started when he always went out to drink and come home late , he will come back swear at me and hit me , he controls me and always threathened to kill him self when i leave him. He’s not even good looking, not rich, not educated. Some will argue that they can't choose to "hold something dear" or to "desire something actively," if their emotions aren't similarly aligned. Don’t Give Up on the Love. I was pretty frightened and sad when I was very little, because my parent’s were really ugly to each other. After being honest and open, we have become closer and grown together. And given that she's one of my employees, I can't really ask anyone I know for advice. You promised what you would do, including how you would express your emotions. Being there for her more is effective in some ways, but not all the time. “I recently told him I feel emotionally empty, more like we are good friends than husband and wife. We have been together 12 years and married 10. #1 Your fighting affects the kids. We are way beyond having grown apart. It won't keep you warm or comfortable. I don’t know what to do. I don't love my wife anymore, she has hurt me in the past and I don't think I will ever get my love back for her. After months and years of a "loveless marriage," many seek the illusion of finality in divorce. You would actively desire it. I'm now 24 soon to be 25 and she's back. Make compromises. I think my wife is having a lesbian affair. I'm 32 my husband is 34. You want a wife, not a project. He knows how important it is for me to have a tidy home yet he leaves … P.S. They were not forecasts of emotions you hoped would continue to occur at a later date. There is a bit more peace in our daily lives. I cannot be physically intimate, which frustrates him of course. It’s like we coexist in the same house, barely tolerating each other. When life gets you down and you've got s*** to do, pull your chin up. LET'S FACE IT. What if the signs your wife wants to leave you can no longer be ignored? We have 3 children ages 10, 7 and 2 with another one due in May that was unplanned. What do you do about it? I've been married for 13 years and really really love my wife but she recently told me she has realised she has been very unhappy in our relationship, and although she cares for me a lot she no longer has any romantic feelings for me and can't imagine ever having romantic feelings for me again. I dont want to be in this marriage anymore. Nor do I know what to say to my husband any longer. We love each other so deeply, but at the same time, I love my wife and my kids and don’t know if I can hurt them by telling them I’m in love with someone else. It is normal to hate each other once in a while, but if it is a perpetual feeling and involves some critical things, then it is time just to say goodbye. I don’t know if this is relevant, but I love my family. Give her a chance to fix it before you decide it’s over. Talk to her. Reply ↓ Darlene Lancer, LMFT on March 4, 2017 at 7:42 pm said: You have a lot of options. I can’t stand her, and she can’t stand me. You can't always control nor predict your emotions, especially over the course of your lifetime. If need be, go to your church also, for help, if that is your thing. Make sure this is understood. If I were to hand you a gold bar, you would hold it dear. It's painful to say that, isn't it? Wife Love Relationships Marriage Separation broken home indian man indian family. Everest, or maybe just lose a few pounds. Go see a marriage counselor together. We haven’t been intimate in a couple of weeks. I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do. If it wasn’t for my son, I would NOT be with this woman. The atmosphere in our home is becoming quite toxic. I say that's a lie. We can not force our partner to grow with us at the same pace as us. Your vows were a deliberate and binding statement of things that you would do for one another. I think I may be pregnant with my lover's child. They've chosen to let their emotions usurp the behavioral obligations of their wedding vows. Bobby points out that many wives resent their husbands because "they often feel frazzled, frustrated, and resentful about the higher level of mental energy and material energy they are expected to devote to their household, career and families." We haven't even been married a full year either. You may also be interested in: How To Know If You’re Not In Love Anymore. For more, get my book, The Marriage Commandments, which may also make you equally uncomfortable. It's tragic and heartbreaking. You got married. That's the whole point of today's experiment. That can leave her little room for some soul-replenishing me-time, let alone you-and-she time. Dear Prudence, I’m a 19-year-old female, and I’ve been with a great guy for about three months now. He annoys and frustates me all the time it's even worse now when he works at home, I can't get a break from him. She came to look for me, but I am already married to a woman I never loved. 37. 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